Dear IT Helpdesk,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I
had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently
conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and
run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse,
Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads
Night Out 3.1, Football 3pm, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware program,
Party Girl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system,
forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to
run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover
that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage
to my hardware.

I then upgraded to Fianc�e 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had
to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my
available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse
2002.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 can be very
unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in
Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months
later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary
Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and
Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess
what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring
ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be
reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes
that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the new games

I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation. Also,
when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-In-Law 1.0,
which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress
2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the
fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete ALL of your
resources before uninstalling itself

Yours sincerely

Ed

****************


Dear TROUBLED USER,

This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by it's creator to run
everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system
would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system
once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do
this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with
more problems than the original system.

Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I recommend you
keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation. I suggest installing background
application program C :\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation.

Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire
section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all
responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their
cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
In any case avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you may
have to give the APOLOGISE command before the operating system will return
to normal.

The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying
additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend
Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances install
Secretary/Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0
and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating System

Best of Luck, Tech Support

-- 
A fatal exception 0E has occurred at 0028:C000BD1D in VXD VMM(01) +
0000AD1D. The current application will be terminated.

And somewhere around the time of 04/08/2004 13:00, the world stopped and
listened as iAn contributed the following to humanity:

> Dear IT Helpdesk,
> 

Ah yes, a new twist on an old favorite.

-- 
Daniel Rudy

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